One day late (of course), I have decided what to do for Lent. A brief intro first.
If you have been following my blog you may know of my struggles during this current stint of ‘funemployment’, to let myself relax, recuperate and refocus during what has been a rollercoaster ride of letting go, letting go and letting go all over again.
There have been job opportunities and opportunities that seemed golden, made for me but they haven’t worked out or there have been good reasons not to pursue them. Even though doors seem to be opening, I’ve been strongly feeling the need to keep having the break God informed me I was meant to take.
Queue raised eyebrows from a few folk about small things like finances.
For those of you doing that (which more often than not includes me) I’m putting it in writing.
It’ll be ok.
I am taking actions, even if I am not chasing gainful employment. I’ve moved back in with Mum (thanks Mum*1). I have been having sessions with a great careers counsellor which is shedding light into corners of my abilities I hadn’t poked about in for a while (this is relevant to the ‘Lent thing’). I’ve been reading books and getting some prayer.
And God’s been knocking on my door again the past week or so, reminding me that He is in control and His timing is perfect, not mine but I’m doing ok not rushing. “Keep on doing what you’re doing. You’re in the right place for now. My plans are coming along nicely.” I know that being obedient to this, even if it flies in the face of what a lot of people think I should be doing in an employment/financial climate such as we have at the moment, is the right thing to do. And if it isn’t – as above, it will be ok.
And so back to the ‘Lent thing’. Through a variety of counselling, prayer, chatting with great friends and especially the lovely boyfriend, I’ve been reflecting a lot on ‘who am I’ and ‘what am I meant to be’. Most of all I’ve been contemplating the question intrinsically linked to those two – ‘what am I meant to be doing’. Self absorbed? Possibly. Immediately and incredibly useful? Definitely.
I have recognised just how much I have labelled myself, or been labelled. And although some labels can be good, I think it is time to try to stick some new ones on, alongside or replacing the old ones. And so the ‘Lent thing’ is to try something new every day for 40days that helps me get some new labels. And the label has to be of something I consider myself bad at or incapable of doing whether through previous labelling, rubbish self esteem or lack of courage. I will tell you now, I’ll fail at getting 40 but if I get even a few I’ll be pleased.
In fact – that is a new label for me – “recognises that the process of getting somewhere is as, if not more valuable, than reaching the target.” Ooh so that can count as yesterday’s new label.
Today’s I’m starting with something a lot simpler and less prosaic. Baking. I did Food GCSE at school and got a C, my lowest grade in those exams and the cause of some shame at the time which now of course seems ridiculous. I have tried a bit of cooking over the past few years, but consistently believed I can’t bake. So today I did. Queue slightly fuzzy photo*2 of Ginger Cake and Honey & Oat Muffins! If you are at music practise tonight, and there is any left (and if they taste alright) you may get some!
So I’ll update this and my blog too. Cheers for listening!
*1 She doesn’t use a computer but it seemed the right thing to do.
*2 dug out the old digital camera as my lovely DSLR is off being fixed